i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
