Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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