My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
