areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
