We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
