I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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