over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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