it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you inspire me to be a worse person
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
