STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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