Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
