umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
