I bet he comes in French.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
