I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she smelled like a LAN party
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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