Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
