2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
