White coat. Heels.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
