brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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