Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
