hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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