She is in my trunk
In America we eat man semen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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