Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize