Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize