This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
