Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
