Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You've changed since you got that strap on
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
