i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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