He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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