you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
