rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
