what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
