Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
