i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
vagina is talking i cant
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
