i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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