I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
