Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
