Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
