the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
