I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
