I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NoShamevember. You game?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
