i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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