I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
