why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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