So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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