i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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