well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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