maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
