Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
