Already got asked if we're dating
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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