Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
