I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She is in my trunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
