We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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