So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
