he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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