I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize