I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
