perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
