We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
