i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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