I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
