fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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