Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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