im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FUCK WHALES
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
