i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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