I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
