So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
