So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
