I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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