I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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