my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize