you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
