And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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