I think i peed on brittanys purse
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Holy shit dude........stairs
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